Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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