OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
