I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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