dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
