I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
