I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize