People with herpes should wear stickers.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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