He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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