wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
