i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
