the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
