just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
