I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
