I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
