I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
