She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
