The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
