do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
