i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
