Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize