im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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