the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
