I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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