I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm both gender and math confused
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