where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
4 words: hood of his car
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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