Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
