I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
