Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
