in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
