My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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