All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
