apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
