You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My dick has a subreddit
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
