Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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