im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
