Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
