yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
