Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
