the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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