note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
