i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize