Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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