i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
