If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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