Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
