i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
