yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
