I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
