just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
