had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
