whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
