fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize