someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
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