like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
