return my video game
Umm I'm too high to move.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
