He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
