i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
operation harelip BJ is a go
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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