Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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