I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Farmville is her only friend.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My feet surprised me
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
