and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
