I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
