i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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