your room smells of hookers.
And success
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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