a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
