god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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