Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
