i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
