When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Let the clothes fall where they may.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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