You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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