Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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