I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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