there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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