Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
