I wish i was in the wii world.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Randomize
