But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
