It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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