Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
