Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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