I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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