did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
