Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
