From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
