He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
