Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
