Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
