I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize