I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
