Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
