So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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