ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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