lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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