She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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