You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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