Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
