I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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