my phone needs a breathalizer
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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