I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
