oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
