when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
