At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
