before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Hippo gnu deer
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize