Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
