how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
