He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
