I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
