Whatcha textin bout Willis?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
