My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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