i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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