i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
